les disparus

I think of you often and wonder if you’re still in there somewhere,

you were literally the light in any room,

you took space,

the right amount every time,

your laugh…oh I remember it well,

it was high pitched but rejoiced in love,

the kind that goes on for awhile and lingers in all the best ways,

remember when we would scribble?

those little drawings meant something to me,

if I had known our moments would be one of very few,

I would have called more,

I think you left to that place because no one saw you,

everyone thought you were this beautiful being but for all the superficial reasons,

I thought you were beautiful because you took the good with the bad even on your worst days,

You had this light in your eyes that belonged to you,

but as you got more lost in a place…where you could see yourself in the best light,

without the voices of judgement,

the light that belonged to your eyes left,

it became so depleted that your smile gave away how deep in mourning your heart was… to have lost your light,

I know you are in there somewhere,

so I’ll say this,

I love you,

I see you,

I know you’re scared to feel nothing,

but feeling nothing is something,

and with that…you can find your way back to the light that belongs to you.