PTSD

It is both joy and torment,

nightmares that come in waves that you never see coming,

days with no energy but so many tasks on your list,

drowning in so much trauma and having to work twice as hard to catch up to your truest potential,

it is both dreaming of better days,

but also giving up half way through the day,

it is listening to people around you but not being able to hear them because at any given moment your brain decides it needs time to process something that happened long ago,

it’s jet lag that controls your mood, your sleep, your ability to love and capacity to react like your truest self,

on somedays it is impulse that drives your decision making because your PTSD wants you to correct something that’s long gone,

it is both today and yesterday combined,

it is crying loud and with no tears at all,

it is no medication works but the scars are visible in your heart everyday,

it is bravery,

it is living in nostalgia but in the worst ways,

it is a DVR playing on a loop of all your worst moments or days,

it is…loving yourself even when you can not see past those hard days